Women/Girls and ADHD | Brain Training Int.

Women and Girls with ADHD:

The Hidden Struggle and the Hope of Neurofeedback

For decades, ADHD was seen as a “boy’s condition.” The image most people had was of an energetic, disruptive child bouncing off the walls. But research now shows that ADHD affects women and girls just as often — it simply looks different.

The Invisible Symptoms:

How ADHD Manifests in Women and Girls

In girls and women, ADHD often hides behind politeness, perfectionism, and overachievement.

While boys tend to show more externalising symptoms — impulsivity, fidgeting, blurting out answers — girls are more likely to experience internalising symptoms, such as daydreaming, disorganisation, and emotional overwhelm.

Some of the most common traits in women and girls with ADHD include:

Chronic distraction and mental drift, even when trying to focus
Disorganisation: messy rooms, misplaced items, difficulty following through
Emotional sensitivity: taking criticism to heart, frequent mood swings
Hyperfocus: becoming deeply absorbed in special interests or creative projects
Procrastination followed by frantic bursts of productivity
Starting new projects or hobbies with enthusiasm but rarely finishing them
Feeling like you’re not reaching your potential, despite intelligence and effort
A persistent sense of failure or of “wasting time” compared to others
A lifelong sense of being 'too much' or 'not enough' (sometimes both!)

Why ADHD in Women Often Goes Unrecognised

Because girls are socialised to be “good,” many mask their symptoms. They work harder to stay organised, stay quiet in class, and mimic what’s expected — often at great emotional cost. This ability to “camouflage” means their ADHD may remain unnoticed until adulthood, when the mental load of jobs, relationships, or motherhood becomes overwhelming.

Instead of being recognised as ADHD, their struggles are often misread as anxiety, depression, or even personality issues. And while anxiety and depression may indeed develop, they’re frequently secondary to the chronic stress of untreated ADHD — years of self-blame, overwhelm, and burnout from trying to meet expectations without the right tools.

The Cost of a Life with

Unrecognised ADHD

Living for decades without understanding your brain’s wiring can lead to:

Low self-esteem: believing you’re lazy or undisciplined
Relationship challenges: forgetfulness or emotional reactivity causing tension
Career underachievement: feeling stuck despite intelligence and creativity
A pattern of unfinished ideas and abandoned goals, feeding shame or regret
Chronic exhaustion: mental fatigue from masking and overcompensating

Many women describe reaching a breaking point in their 30s or 40s, often after childbirth or a major life stressor — when old coping strategies stop working.

Diagnosis can bring immense relief: finally, an explanation that fits.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): The Hidden Emotional Pain

One of the least talked-about but most painful aspects of ADHD is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD.
RSD describes the intense emotional pain triggered by perceived rejection, criticism, or failure — even when no rejection was intended. For women with ADHD, this can feel like emotional whiplash: one small comment or imagined slight can cause hours (or days) of self-doubt and rumination.

Common experiences of RSD include:

Feeling crushed by constructive feedback, neutral comments, or perceived criticisms
Avoiding opportunities for fear of failure or embarrassment
Over-apologising, people-pleasing, or withdrawing to protect oneself
Experiencing mood crashes or self-criticism after minor mistakes - real or perceived
Oversharing personal information
Ruminating over things you've said or done in the past

Because RSD isn’t widely understood, it’s often mistaken for bipolar mood swings or borderline personality disorder. But in ADHD, this emotional volatility stems not from instability of personality, but from a deeply sensitive nervous system — one that feels rejection as threat, shame and unbearable pain.

Recognising RSD allows women to separate their worth from their emotional reactions, and to develop compassion for how their nervous system responds to perceived disconnection.

Masking: The Hidden Work of Appearing “Normal”

Many women with ADHD become experts at masking — consciously or unconsciously hiding their symptoms to appear organised, capable, and in control. Masking often begins in childhood, when a girl realises that her natural impulsivity, forgetfulness, or daydreaming draws negative attention. So she learns to compensate: she studies harder, smiles through overwhelm, and over-prepares to avoid letting anyone see her struggle.

Masking can look like:

Forcing yourself to appear calm and collected while feeling chaotic inside
Copying the behaviour, tone, or habits of others to fit in
Relying on constant lists, alarms, and over-scheduling to keep life together
Smiling or joking through moments of confusion or shame
Downplaying exhaustion, anxiety, or burnout to seem 'fine'

At first, masking may feel like success — you’re keeping up, you’re maintaining appearances, you’re surviving. But over time, the mental and emotional strain takes a toll. The constant self-monitoring can lead to chronic exhaustion, identity confusion, and a sense of disconnection from your authentic self.

Many women describe the feeling as living life “on stage” — constantly performing a version of themselves they think the world will accept, while hiding the chaos and creativity that make them who they truly are.

Masking often leads to burnout. The brain and body simply can’t sustain the level of vigilance required to appear neurotypical day after day. When that burnout hits, it can look like depression, anxiety, or emotional withdrawal — and again, the true root (ADHD) often remains unseen.

Unmasking — learning to live in alignment with your real neurotype — can be both terrifying and freeing. It’s a process of learning to trust that your worth isn’t in how well you appear to cope, but in the richness and originality of how your mind actually works.

The Hope of Neurofeedback:

Training the ADHD Brain

Neurofeedback offers a promising, non-invasive approach to supporting ADHD. It works by helping the brain learn to self-regulate — to move out of chaotic, dysregulated states and into more balanced patterns of attention and calm.

During a neurofeedback session, sensors measure the brain’s electrical activity (EEG). When the brain produces desired patterns — like sustained focus or relaxation — it receives immediate positive feedback through sounds or visuals. Over time, this feedback helps the brain “rewire” itself toward healthier functioning.

For women and girls with ADHD, neurofeedback can help:

Improve focus and attention
Reduce anxiety and emotional reactivity
Ease RSD symptoms by increasing emotional stability and resilience
Enhance sleep quality and stress management
Support executive function — planning, organisation, and follow-through
Facilitate the 'unmasking process'

Many clients describe neurofeedback as learning to feel at home in their own mind for the first time. It doesn’t erase who you are — it helps your brain operate more smoothly, so you can express your strengths with less struggle.

You were never broken —

your brain just speaks a different language.

A New Narrative for

Women with ADHD

Recognising ADHD in women and girls is not about labelling — it’s about understanding. It’s about seeing that what was once dismissed as “too sensitive,” “too scattered,” or “too emotional” is often a neuro-developmental difference, not a personal failing.

With proper support — whether through therapy, coaching, medication, or neurofeedback — women can reclaim their focus, creativity, and confidence. The goal isn’t to “fix” ADHD, but to work with the brain’s natural rhythms, not against them.

For many, that begins with one simple, life-changing insight:

Women and Girls with ADHD​: